This Is It!!!

Miss Daphne will consume her last bottle of mother's milk this week.  Man it is nice to be released from the pump once again.  Daphne was a little bit better in the nursing department than Evelina was, but still not efficient enough for it to be her primary mode of nourishment.  Luckily, I had a good supply again this time around and the thought of pumping wasn't as daunting as it was the first time.  Although, it was equally annoying and time consuming.  

Up until a few months ago, I used the Baby Connect app to track Daphne's feedings, diapers, pumping sessions and sleep.  It was super useful in determining schedules, how much I was pumping vs. how much she was eating, how much she was sleeping each day, etc.  What can I say, I'm a little obsessed when it comes to documenting activities and analyzing baby-related data.  The app also tallies totals by day, week and month. After my last pumping session, it was astounding to see how much I actually pumped. 

Total # of pumping sessions since 10/18/2013:  970
Total amount pumped since 10/18/2013: 7002 ounces or 54.7 gallons!!!  

The most I ever pumped was 6 times/day. The most I pumped at one session was 10oz.  My highest producing month was January, with 1192oz pumped.  

And to think, Daphne has consumed almost every last drop...well, except for all of which she spit up.  She is lucky to have such a dedicated mom ;-)   

I wish the app would tally how much time I actually spent pumping, now THAT is something I'd be interested to see.

Top Reasons Why I’m SOOO Over Pumping

It seems like every time I pump, I comment about something related to how much I CAN'T STAND it anymore.  Here are my top reasons for why i'm SOOO over pumping: 

• Time, time, time – At the height of my pumping routine, I would pump 7 times per 24 hour period. Once my supply was established, I pumped 5 times a day; between 5-6am, 10ish in the morning, 2ish in the afternoon, 8ish in the evening and between 11-1am, each session being 10-20 minutes long. Would I have rather been doing something else with my time? Would I have rather been actually breastfeeding Evelina instead of pumping? Yes!! Pumping has become second nature to me and just part of my daily routine, fitting it in during Evelina’s nap time, scheduling it into my work calendar, always making sure to pump before going out for the day, etc. When I turn off the pump for that final time, I think it will be strange for me to have “free time”. I am looking forward to it.
• It’s just ugly – From the first day we brought Evelina home, the pump has been a fixture in our living room. It isn’t the most beautiful decorative element. It’s an eye-sore that we need to move each time we have visitors other than my mom and sister. It’s in a super convenient place so that I can pump and watch TV or use the laptop, and if necessary still keep an eye on Lina as she plays in the living room. But I am looking forward to throwing the dang thing in the trash and never seeing it again.
• Schlepping the breast pump everywhere – To my parent’s or other relative’s houses during holidays and family events and to work 4 days a week. I already have to travel with enough extras with the addition of an infant but also needing to bring the pump along is just an added hassle. And, it’s no fun having to excuse myself from family gatherings for 10-20 minutes or interrupt productivity at work to pump.
• Wearing a bra to bed – Since I was about 24ish weeks pregnant, I’ve been wearing a bra to bed at night, primarily because I’ve had to use breast pads. Granted, the sleep bras are pretty comfy, but when you consider that I’ve been wearing one during sleepy time for almost a year, it gets uncomfortable.
• Wearing breast pads – I was one of the unlucky ones that leaked colostrum early in pregnancy, at around 24 weeks. This caused me to start wearing breast pads each and every day and night. I’ve gone through every brand, including the washable organic variety and even though they all do the job, I am constantly changing and re-shifting them.
• Sweating - I never knew that lactation would cause sweaty cleave.  Day and night.  Wearing a bra to bed with breast pads and sweating is just not pleasent.
• Waking up earlier – Because I always need to pump in the morning, I have to get up earlier on work days and set my alarm on non-work days so that I can pump before Lina gets up. I just want to sleep "in"!!
• Washing pump parts – If you add up the time I’ve spent washing pump parts, it would total days. The last thing I want to do when I just want to spend time with Lina or just sit on my arse and relax with Chris, is stand at the sink washing pump parts for what feels like the 1000th time. I’m SOOO over it!!
• Washing breast milk storage bottles – see Washing pump parts. 

Of course I will miss a few things:

• Breast milk is hassle free to serve. I would just fill up Lina's bottles in advance and keep them in the fridge ready for her next feeding (for up to 4 days).  An hour prior to her feeding, we would take out a bottle to get room temperature.  Since breast milk can stay out at room temperature for up to 8 hours, it was easy to travel with bottles and have them ready whenever we needed, in the car, at friend's house, mommy and me, etc.  If Lina didn't finish the entire bottle, we would save the leftovers for another feeding.  Easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy.  Formula just has so many rules...it can't be left unrefrigerated for more than one hour, prepared bottles must be used within 48 hours, you can't reuse any leftovers, don't shake it too much or it creates too many bubbles and can cause gas, make sure the water you use is safe, etc.   
  
• Breast milk is the perfect first food for babies (well, unless your baby has an allergy of sorts). I will miss knowing that Evelina is getting the very best and that I was able to provide it to her exclusively for months. I never had to worry about harmful contaminates being in my breast milk or it getting recalled. I always knew it would be safe.
• Breast milk is free!! We had to purchase some formula in the first few weeks due to breast milk supply issues, but other than that, we didn't buy another can until after Lina turned 6 months and I started the weaning process. The money we've saved is most likely in the 1,000s of $$. Pretty crazy when you think about it. Since she can start to drink whole milk at 12 months, we will only have to purchase formula exclusively for about 4 months. That isn't so bad.
• I have been able to eat WHATEVER I've wanted since Evelina's birth, if not more...and I have still lost all of the pregnancy weight, if not more.  I'll definitely need to start watching my intake once the breast feeding/pumping journey is officially over.  

As of today, I'm pumping once every 48 hours so the end is very near!!

Exclusively Pumping

Prior to Evelina’s birth, I had visions of breastfeeding while bonding with my newborn, providing her with all of the benefits that breastfeeding had to offer, and losing all of that pesky baby weight as a result of the extra calories I would be burning. I told myself that if I wasn’t successful at breastfeeding that it wouldn’t be a big deal. Such beautiful, positive thoughts, right?

That was until Evelina was jaundice in the hospital and we needed to provide her with as much fluid as possible, from breast or *gasp* bottle. Luckily, my supply was great from the get go and I was able to pump in the hospital for bottles in addition to breastfeeding, so that we could be sure she was getting enough to flush out the jaundice. Little did I know that this would be the beginning of my pumping journey.

Evelina receiving her first bottle of pumped liquid gold

When she was discharged from the hospital, I still continued to put her to breast and then pump and give her a bottle to supplement, just to be sure her bilirubin levels stayed low and she continued to gain weight. At her first pediatrician visit when she was 5 days old, she had gained well and her color looked great, so we made the decision to stop pumping and just breastfeed.

I still wasn’t certain she was getting much from the breast since she seemed like a lazy sucker, I didn’t hear much swallowing, and she always seemed hungry, so after visits to breastfeeding support groups and lactation consultants, it was revealed that she was only getting about 1oz of milk after breastfeeding for 45 minutes. This was definitely NOT enough to sustain a growing newborn, she was already tiny and we didn’t want her to lose additional weight. Back to breastfeeding, pumping and then supplementing with bottled breast milk. The only problem? Since she hadn’t stimulated me enough, my supply tanked and we had to feed her formula until I could increase my supply through pumping, eating lots of ice cream, drinking gallons of water, trying Fenugrek and More Milk Plus, drinking cups and cups of Mother’s Milk Tea and consuming lots of oatmeal and lactation cookies.

The entire process of feeding our tiny being was incredibly exhausting and stressful. I shed many tears and just felt like an utter failure. I had a natural childbirth and we put her to the breast within the first ½ hour of her life…I should be able to breastfeed my child, I shouldn’t have to feed her mass-produced artificial formula!! It was so disappointing because I desperately wanted breastfeeding to work out for us to enjoy together, despite initially having the, “if it doesn’t work out, I won’t mind” attitude prior to her birth. 

As the weeks went on, it felt as if I was losing time to the pump. All I wanted to do was feed my daughter, cuddle with her and get to know every ounce of her, but instead I had to put her down (or give her to a family member) to get a pumping session in…day and night. I felt like I was missing out on valuable bonding time with my little one and it made me sad. Not to mention that each feeding (breast, bottle and then pump) from start to finish would take almost an hour; it felt as if it was all we ever did.

At around 5 weeks, Evelina started to really fuss and get agitated at the breast and because the entire process was exhausting and frustrating, I didn’t want to force it on her. I would just give in and offer a bottle of breast milk. After 6 weeks of trying my best to breastfeed and with little success at getting Evelina to increase her sucking strength, I made the decision to pump exclusively. This would allow her to receive many of the benefits of breast milk, reduce feeding times so she could partake in more fun activities, and ultimately result in a happier, less stressed out mom and baby. It would also allow me the convenience to pump when I had time or during her naps instead of having to put her down immediately after a feeding to pump and ensure my supply returned in time for her next feeding. I knew this would be the best decision for us. I didn’t want her to sense my stress and be unhappy, and I knew that the happier I was, the happier she would be.

Why did I even bother with pumping at all and just switch to formula exclusively? In my opinion, being able to offer Evelina breast milk from a bottle was the next best thing to actually breastfeeding. By the time I made the decision to exclusively pump, my supply was adequate to feed her exclusively breast milk. It would have been one thing if I had to pump and still give her formula, but my supply was there so why not use it!? Formula isn’t the devil but there are too many benefits to breast milk to list and I’ve wanted the best for my Lina Bean since before she was even born. I just couldn’t pass up the opportunity to give her what I naturally could create….thanks to persistence and breast pump.

I never thought in a million years that I would pump exclusively for this long (and can’t believe some people do it for a year!!). There were many times I just wanted to give up on pumping but kept telling myself I could go one more month and how great it would be to make it through the winter so she could continue to build up immunity through my milk. I’m so thankful that my supply has been enough to provide to Evelina exclusively since she was around 6 weeks old and that I even have a small frozen stash. I am particularly thankful for the best support system a new mother could ask for. It's hard enough being thrown into motherhood as a newbie, but having to fight though this battle with breastfeeding made it that much harder in the first month of Evelina’s beautiful life. I would never have been able to remain positive (not always mind you) and emerge happy and confident in my decision if it wasn’t for Chris and my mom. They are both the best.

I started weaning from the pump a few weeks ago and I know that it will be a sad day for me when Evelina consumes her last bottle of pumped milk. I’ve worked incredibly hard to produce it for her and it has been a labor of love that I’ve struggled with giving up, but the time has come to hang up the horns and move into the next chapter together. I’m certain that she will continue to be strong and healthy and just as happy, and I know for sure that I will be happier to spend quality time with her or doing other things I enjoy, instead of being hooked up to a breast pump. 

Woosh, woosh…..